Parting Forever


She was a bloom. 
A complicated little
thing, that
sang, 
endlessly.

She was a flower. She held her most
beloved posy,
as she
slept.

She told me not to “Forget
her”. Like I ever 
could.

Because,

She was a bloom. Who 
remembered me;
with
those eyes.

I remember her, like a lovely
little

daisy.

Always.

© copyright Eve Redwater 2012

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25 thoughts on “Parting Forever

  1. This is lovely. I like the simplicity and the circular nature of it. (I’m not up on form so I don’t know if this is written with a particular structure or not.) 🙂

  2. If I may, Eve, I’d suggest removing the commas from the middle of the phrases “that sang” and “who remembered” because they are so pertinent to the exquisite depth of feeling that David commented on and don’t *require* the punctuation (already being set apart for their emphasis by the line breaks). It really is a lovely piece! Cherry blossoms, I presume? 🙂

    • I agree with Kathryningrid. I normally don’t comment on a poet’s punctuation because poetry can be so quirky and individual to the poet, but those two commas do rather detract from the effect.

    • Yes! Cherry Blossoms from around the “Philosophers Path”, in Kyoto. A beautiful place! Thank you for your feedback on this poem. I had a look, and I agree with both you and Lorinda. It does look and flow better without those two commas. I’m glad you pointed them out.

      I wanted to create a kind of “step-step-step” rhythm with this piece. However, I realise that the typography does that for me anyway! 🙂

  3. Thank you for joining Poets United. I have added your blog to our blogroll so others can discover you and your wonderful poetry. Poets United is what you make of it so explore, comment often and it will lead to folks doing so in return. We look forward to visiting your blog and reading your poetry.

    Your imagination is what fuels our community.

    ~ Robert Lloyd (Poets United)

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