From the Nose

This is the dawn.

	it is the dawn,
		garden, harden, pardon? Larvae, ᵂondering whether
				or not
			   as the case most usually, isn't or,


but, where or
			garden gate
			penny, farthing
				gate, g(r)ategate	Ḕaten
		then a 

			In the nose
		the nose

				no, nose 
					he knows


				better than me
				bee in me,

		could you


© Eve Redwater 2012

[I wrote this for DVersepoets “Poetics: Nightmare Verse” – where we were charged with writing about a recent nightmare/nightmarish situation. It was a fun exercise! I based this of a recent dream I had: I tried a as-surreal-as-I-could composition; most of my dreams are as such! Can you spot the things hidden within it? I drew the bee picture (which you can click on for a larger preview) with some new software that I’m playing around with! I’ve also made a few changes around the site, too – what do you think?]

79 thoughts on “From the Nose

    • Thank you Lorinda, I always appreciate you taking the time to visit. 🙂

      In all honesty, I’d never encountered Cummings’s work before you mentioned him here, so I feel happy that I reminded you of him!

    • Hello! Thank you, I’m glad my poem made you smile! 😀 I used ArtRage Pro to make the bee – very easy to use, not as ‘complicated’ as Photoshop, which I find a bit fussy! Hope that helps!

      • I’ve run Photoshop for almost 7 years, taught myself…and still so much more to learn! I love experimenting with things like color and texture, so it fills my needs quite well!

        P.S. Thanks for following!

  1. This is so good- I LOVE it…maybe one of my faves for the prompt actually- the form just floats, reflects, drifts- it just captures that choppy scene by scene snapshot that can be experienced in the dreamworld. Strangely – I do seem to have reoccurring nightmares about bees! And can sometimes be found sat on the end of the bed or laying have in and out the bed trying to escape from them! This was great- the form and flow has given me inspiration to try my hand at a more creative, free flowing piece

    • Hello Stu! Thank you so much for visiting and liking this poem. 😀 I’m really happy that you like it!

      I think this is the first dream about a bee in a bad context for me, usually it’s a wasp that sits on my pillow that I accidentally roll my face onto giving me a jolt! Dreams (and nightmares) are wonderfully insightful I think. The subconscious is a master of all things creative!

  2. An interesting stream of UNconsciousness, the way a writer would have it, with words suggestive of other words, rather than a slideshow of images.

    • Thank you Jane! That means a lot to me! I really am enjoying reading through your poetry, I really like your style and wording, it’s got a tinge of Burnside to it. 😀 x

  3. I love this; the rhyme is so humorous, almost like the words are arguing amongst themselves, and especially with your use of structure – extremely clever.

      • Thanks for the visit and like. My husband raises bees, and though I’m not involved in the process other than helping pour honey sometimes, I still like things about bees. They are docile but busy most of the time, but early in spring they can get a bit testy. I was walking through “their” clover last year, and they let me know I wasn’t welcome. BZZZZt. No sting, but I didn’t wait to see if they would. 🙂

    • He raises bees? That’s fantastic! I’d love to actually see a hive (relatively) up close. 🙂 Also thank you about my new header – playing around with some new tools, I think it turned out ok!

    • Thank you Tony! I’ve got no idea why I dreamt of that, perhaps all this talk of spring got my mind thinking in overdrive. As for it going up the nose, that wasn’t the most pleasant dream I’ve ever had! x

    • Hello Tanveer! Thank you for reading my poem and commenting! Thank you also for nominating me, but I mentioned in a previous post “Eve’s Check-in: March”, that I won’t be accepting any more awards at the moment, I really appreciate you thinking of me though!

      Nominating is fairly simple as far as I can tell. You just choose the people you want to nominate, follow the instructions of the award, and post the nomination on your nominee’s blog. From what I can see you’re doing it right, so don’t worry! 😀

  4. Wow! This is amazing!

    I found it quite scary reading it so I guess it had the intended effect on me.

    And the bee is terrific – very scary too – I felt it looking at me when I enlarged it!! 🙂

    Phew! Back to reality – whatever that is 🙂


  5. Very clever! I’m fortunate to even remember my dreams 🙂 Your creativity seems to be boundless, including working with new software. I like the photo you’ve added of your beautiful smile. You are so gifted. And yes, surreal it is! Debra

    • Thanks so much Debra! I’m really enjoying working with it. It’s allowed me to add a more personal touch to the blog background and header for one thing! Perhaps I can go on to use to draw some of my own pictures for my poetry in the future, too. 🙂 x

  6. I enjoyed the experimental and, yes, surreal quality of this poem. One comment about the blog…it took me a while to find where to comment. Almost gave up until I clicked on the title itself. Otherwise, nice, clean appearance.

    • Thanks Victoria! 🙂

      It doesn’t seem that others have trouble commenting, generally you have to be on the specific post page to comment I thought? I know that some followers from blogspot have been ‘locked-out’ from commenting in the past, but I think that’s sorted now! (Let me know if you have any trouble again!) x

  7. I see statements that are sure, solid, and then I see them, literally, breaking down, as in the first line, this is dawn…and then it falls apart or is a least deconstructing, fragmenting into letters and then rhymes…very dreamlike. I like the space you’re created, too, around all the words on the page…enjoyable!

  8. You’ve captured the disconnected, surreal dream-feeling so well. That half-seeing, half-realized vision that so often accompanies dreams. I love the inventive formatting and the way you’ve played with the words giving the same word different meanings and impressions. And your drawing is fantastic!

    • Thank you Emma. 🙂 It was a fun write, I’ve not really tried anything in this style, but I’ve learned that Cummings is quite the advocate!

      (P.S. I think your gravatar with the flower is really lovely!)

  9. Love the play with form, Eva, and the sense that comes out of the non-sense of the words…like that which often comes out of dreams or nightmares. The drawing is splendid…very alive!

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